Our long national nightmare is finally over: VH1’s historic Charm School series is returning to the air with an all new cast. Charm School: All the Best People will follow the exploits of Hope Hicks, Steve Bannon, Sean Spicer, and other former Trump White House staffers as host Rosie O’Donnell attempts to teach them how to behave in polite society.
“I didn’t want the highlight of my reality show career to be a complete disaster like The Apprentice,” explained contestant Omarosa Manigault. “I don’t know if any of us can ever live up to the legacy of the previous cast members.”
“I hate all these fucking people,” former Chief-of-Staff Reince Priebus said in between angry puffs of his cigarette.
Highlights of the upcoming season include several lessons on basic humanity; a contentious trip to the Dippin Dots factory; a flirtatious dinner date between the Mooch and Charm School veteran and special guest lecturer Lacey; and a desperate attempt to determine just what the hell is oozing out of the boil on Steve Bannon’s neck.
When reached for comment, Bannon regurgitated the half-digested head and neck of a sixteen-year-old virgin and shambled off in search of a goat’s testicles with which to complete his latest dark ritual.
“No, seriously, I fucking hate all these people,” Priebus elaborated. “And fucking Giuliani needs to stop trying to sneak into the god damn house through the bathroom window.”
General John Kelly, Jared Kushner, and Sarah Huckabee Sanders are expected to headline season two.