It’s time to modernize movie aliens

Hey, Hollywood: your aliens have gotten boring. I came to this incredibly intelligent conclusion while watching The Tomorrow War on Amazon Prime. Chris Pratt’s latest sci fi action flick about a family man recruited to travel into the future to battle extraterrestrials is amazingly stupid but also perfectly fine for a Saturday night on the …

Onboarding

Where do the Tallisker corporation’s demonic executives come from? Well… You twelve scumbags are here because we believe each of you has the potential to become one of the biggest assholes in the world. Make no mistake: the Tallisker Corporation is not looking for the best and the brightest. We want the worst. The most …

The things they don’t tell you about losing weight during a pandemic

I entered the time of corona like a caterpillar, and thanks to a decrease in booze and an increase in healthy habits I’ve exited my COVID cocoon looking like…a stick bug, I guess. My lost 25 pounds is now super obvious in ways it wouldn’t have been if I’d been able to watch it slowly …

Reflections on my first dinner in a restaurant in over a year

I hit full Pfizer-powered vaccine efficacy at approximately 9:45 yesterday morning. I’m feeling good about stepping back into the world, although I have to get in touch with Microsoft support about turning off Cortana. That’s worth celebrating, so I decided to do something I used to enjoy doing multiple times a week but hadn’t done …

UFOs! UAPs! WTF?

An interview on the latest episode of 60 Minutes has kicked the zeitgeist into action around unidentified flying objects. Turns out the United States military has been encountering a ton of these things out at sea the last few years. There’s been no word on any abductions and/or probings. I’ve been into this shit since …

One more

I don’t care what people think: HealthMaxx is an amazing brand and I love selling their products! “They’re a pyramid scheme,” my neighbor Penelope said at brunch the other day. “You’re gonna end up spending the kids’ college fund on a closet full of lotion you can’t move.” She was three mimosas deep so I’ve …

Reflections on Muse21

When the pandemic hit, I told myself I was going to spend all my extra time on my writing. That didn’t quite happen. Did I accomplish as much as I thought I would without all the fun city things distracting me? No, but I still got a lot done. I started by signing up for …