Although I am not an official voter, I know that my voice carries great weight across the internet and I wanted to share my selections for this year’s Baseball Hall of Fame ballot as a means of assisting any real voters who need help. You’re welcome.
David Ortiz
I own one jersey. There is but a single image of a sports figure hanging on my wall. Both are Big Papi. I could not check this box quickly enough. The guy was so good for so long, and although my nerdy brain is screaming “Clutch isn’t a thing!” there is no denying Ortiz had a knack for coming up big in important moments.
Barry Bonds
You know what? I don’t care about steroids. The whole league was on that shit. Bonds was a hell of a ballplayer even before his head swelled to the size of a small Toyota, and his chemically enhanced at bats were legit freakin’ events. Bonds is in.
Roger Clemens
I’d vote for the Rocket for the same reason I’d vote for Bonds. One of the greatest pitchers of my lifetime.
Also, I am so here for the drama over which team’s cap he should wear. Red Sox? Yankees? Ohhhh man, the calls to Boston sports talk radio will be amazing.
Alex Rodriguez
Is A-Rod one of the biggest dipshits the sport has ever seen? Certainly! But this is the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Not Being a Dink. Rodriguez was such a key figure in the sport for so long that leaving him out of the Hall feels like pretending an entire decade didn’t exist. Dude could play, too.
Scott Rolen
A consummate professional with better numbers than you remember. Most of the players on my list have more of what you might call pizzazz, but if we’re talking pure production, Rolen deserves a plaque.
Manny Ramirez
I love Manny too much not to tick the box next to his name. The guy was a hitting savant and gave us some of the greatest fielding WTFs of all time.
Todd Helton
Helton finished his career with a .316/.414/.539 slash line and 61.8 WAR. Yes, half of that came in the higher altitude at Coors Field, but it’s still comparable to bigger names that are all ready in the Hall, such as Harmon Killebrew, Willie McCovey, Vlad Guerrero, and Mike Piazza. Heck, knock ten percent of that production off and he’s basically Kirby Puckett or Bobby Doerr. Helton belongs.
Billy Wagner
Probably the second best closer of his era, behind only Mariano Rivera. In 903 career innings he struck out 1196 batters while allowing only 601 hits. That’s just filthy.
Jonathan Papelbon
No MLB player in history has spent more time dancing half-naked on the mound to the Dropkick Murphys than my boy Pap, and we need to make sure we’ve got a heater in attendance to tune up A-Rod in case he does something stupid during his induction speech. Papelbon’s the enforcer of my HOF ballot.
And that’s my ballot. Who’s on yours?