This week, the day job asked me to talk to a group of interns about my career path. No big deal; I’ve done this kind of thing before, and it’s always a fun look back at where I came from and how I’ve gotten to where I am. It reminds me that yes, actually, I …
Although I am not an official voter, I know that my voice carries great weight across the internet and I wanted to share my selections for this year’s Baseball Hall of Fame ballot as a means of assisting any real voters who need help. You’re welcome. David Ortiz I own one jersey. There is but …
If I’d been put in charge of writing the fate of the 2021 New England Patriots, the way things shook out in real life is about how I would’ve written it. The team took an undeniable step forward from a frustrating and embarrassing 2020 (I can relate), but they also aren’t quite there just yet …
Christmas came early to those of us with weird senses of humor thanks to this article about the Cinco Jotas company’s overwhelmed ham sniffers. It’s all about old-fashioned quality control, you see, and ham demand during the holidays means these noses have to get a whiff of about four times as many hams as they …
Read more “I don’t want to be the ham sniffer but I’m glad he exists”
Resolutions are for more reliable people who aren’t so easily distracted by video games and beer. Goals, though–those are fungible and can be worded in a way that lets me say “yeah, I mostly did that” in between grasping excuses. Huzzah! Things I’m totally going to accomplish, I swear Finish up the second Black Yonnix …
So we know that if we want the world to be a slightly less obnoxious place we need to vaccinate as many people as possible against COVID-19. We also know that there are small but entrenched cadres of conspiracy-humping Tucker Carlson fanboys and hippie dippie moon children who absolutely refuse to pull their heads out …
The first drawing in Massachusetts’s shameless ploy to goad its legions of lottery-loving louts into getting the jab is this week. Winners will be announced Thursday. As a proud degenerate Masshole, I signed up five minutes after registration opened. But what oh what will I do when I win all that money? Let’s explore the …
Happy All-Star Break! As the league’s best prepare to putz around in Denver for a bit, it feels like a good time to take the sport’s temperature. I’d say we’re looking at lukewarm. If you’ve read me before, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I spend a lot of time thinking about the …
Hey, Hollywood: your aliens have gotten boring. I came to this incredibly intelligent conclusion while watching The Tomorrow War on Amazon Prime. Chris Pratt’s latest sci fi action flick about a family man recruited to travel into the future to battle extraterrestrials is amazingly stupid but also perfectly fine for a Saturday night on the …
Where do the Tallisker corporation’s demonic executives come from? Well… You twelve scumbags are here because we believe each of you has the potential to become one of the biggest assholes in the world. Make no mistake: the Tallisker Corporation is not looking for the best and the brightest. We want the worst. The most …